Co-Pilot

***This one's dedicated to my dad. Father's Day is still a bit faraway, but I was inspired to write this today since I was hoping to read it to him when I visit him at the nursing home. Kind of a long one ***



Waiting for Shin Hye to come down so they could go and have breakfast, Keun Seuk takes a draw of smoke from his cigarette. He had been quite stressed these days. About to take another huff on the stick, he hears the door open and upon seeing Shin Hye's Appa, he hurriedly flicks off the cigarette butt onto the pavement, putting the light out with his sneakers. Omo, almost caught red-handed. What an impression I could've made. He thinks to himself as he feels his face get warmer and the rest of his body trembling just a wee bit. As Shin Hye's Appa comes towards the mailbox to grab the morning paper, Keun Seuk greets him formally Annyeonghaseyo Mr.Park

"O Keun-Seuk, waiting for Shin Hye? She's still upstairs getting ready, may take a while. Would you like to come up?"

Anieyo, I can just wait for her here.

"Okay, I'll keep you company then. We haven't talked at length before and since you've been spending a good amount of time with my Shin Hye-a, it would be a good idea to get to know you better. No?"

Keun Seuk was not ready for this talk and he feels that he is gulping too much, too quickly that Shin Hye's Appa is noticing his ridiculous behavior.

Mr Park laughs, noticing the silly nervous actions the boy before him was doing. He puts his hand over Keun Seuk's shoulder. "Ya, don't be scared. It's not like I will interrogate you. You're not in North Korea, you know?"

Ah, Mr. Park, nae, mianhae. I just was caught a little off-guard.

"I can see that fairly well Keun Seuk-ssi. Well, just be yourself. I won't make you feel any more uncomfortable then. Why don't we just plan for an outing, yea? You and me. I heard your quite into fishing and other stuff. Why don't we go on one of those one of these days. I know you're busy, so whenever you have time."

Heaving a silent sigh of relief while at the same time still wanting to make a good impression, Keun Seuk says Mr. Park, I can always make time. I actually have a free day about 2 days before I go to my next FM in Japan. I'd love to go fishing with you then.

"Deal. I know you will probably want to drive your Rover. But I'd prefer to drive us then, will that be okay? We won't take too long as I imagine you still need to prepare for your fan meeting."

Yes, that is fine Mr. Park. I'll just come by around 9 AM. Will walk from home since it's not so faraway from here anyway. I look forward to it.

As if on cue, Shin Hye's chirpy voice was heard as she came out of the house. "Mianhae Oppa for taking a while." She is surprised at the sight of the two men in her life standing in front of each other. Shin Hye embraces her father teasingly, "Appa, what are you doing? Scaring Keun Seuk out of his wits yet?"

Her father tells her, "No, quite the opposite. We're just scheduling a guys' hangout. I will let you youngsters go now." He assures his only daughter. Looking at Keun Seuk, "In 2 days, don't forget. We'll have fun I'm sure."

Nae, Mr. Park. I won't miss it. See you then.

Hearing this, Shin Hye tried to keep her face away to hide the amusement she was having from the situation "Ah, this is getting interesting" she thought to herself.

~~~S2~~~~S2~~~

He couldn't remember how many times he changed his shirt, his shoes and checked the rod he was going to take. He finds himself more nervous than preparing for an audition or a performance on this particular day. I can't remember that bonding with girlfriend's fathers were this nerve-wracking. But why am I like this? Ah, Shin Hye, look what you do to me. His phone rings.

"Appa said don't be silly. He'll come pick you up since you'll look like an idiot carrying all your gear to get here. And that's a command not a suggestion." Shin Hye mocks him on the other line.

Ya, give me a break. I wasn't like this to you when you met my omma. Please tell Mr. Park I will be ready when he comes by for me and thank you.

"Oppa, you will be fine. Trust me. And thank you for doing this." Shin Hye gives him the needed morale boost.

He heaves a deep sigh. He hopes Shin Hye is right.

~~~S2~~~~S2~~~

"Annyeonghaseyo Keun Seuk! Ready to roll?" Shin Hye's father asks him as he gets on the passenger seat after loading all his gear.

Nae, Mr. Park. I'm ready. And thank you again for the invitation.

"Ya, you can call me Appa if you want. I'll pretend that for today I gained another son. Sound good?"

Nae, Mr., A-appa.. Keun Seuk stammers. Shin Hye's father cannot help but grin.

On their way to the fishing site, while driving, Appa tries to make meaningful conversation and also to ease the nervous lad next to him. He tells him stories about Shin Hye's childhood.

"Shin Hye always takes the front passenger seat since she was young and was grown enough to not pose safety hazards. She likes seeing me drive and take her and the family to places. Someday, she said it will be her turn to drive me. I'm lucky not to have two daughters because then it will be so hard not to have favorites."

"You know Shin Hye is the type of daughter who will hang out with her father and brother for guy things. That's where she gets her love of baseball and soccer. But she also never stops being a girl, even for a moment. She allows herself to be this delicate and sweet person that me and her Oppa just loves to protect. And now there seems to be this third person who can do that, you."

Keun Seuk gets slightly nervous at this statement.

"Ya, I can hear your heart pounding again Keun Seuk. There's really no need for that, you know."

Keun Seuk smiles at Shin Hye's father, trying to control his nerves.

"I am not sure where you youngsters are headed with what you have. But I also prepared myself for this, quite some time ago. It's not easy. But I knew that someday my Shin Hye will grow up and meet other people and meet the man who can make her happy as me and her Oppa does. I'm not sure whether that is you. Only you two will know that. But I appreciate the lessons she is learning, that life is teaching her by spending time with you. She may not be ready to drive me yet, but at least now I know there's someone other than me and her Oppa to take her and her dreams to where she needs to be."

Touched at the confidence that Shin Hye's father had for him, Keun Seuk declares honestly,
Kamsahamnida Appa. I will try my hardest not to disappoint you. It's hard to promise not to hurt Shin Hye and all that stuff other guys will probably say. But I guess I can promise you the kind of honesty and friendship and protection that Shin Hye will need from me. That whatever we share, whatever happens between us, the end goal is to make her an even stronger person.

"You really are the smart and passionate guy Shin Hye paints you to be. I like that." Shin Hye's father tells Keun Seuk proud of what he has heard from the guy that makes his daughter's heart sing.

"And yes, don't go making promises that are hard to keep. I understand you are both still young. I anticipate you will still make mistakes. And for those times when your hearts will break, you can rest easy knowing that Shin Hye will still have me and her Oppa to help her mend it and go through the pain."

He pulls over to a rest area and turns to Keun Seuk.

"Let's make a rest stop quickly here. Then, let's switch places. You drive the rest of the way. After all, you deserve it, for looking like a worthy co-pilot."

Padlocks

She waits impatiently by her window, watching out for the familiar outline of a black Range Rover passing through her street on its way to her doorstep. "Aish, what's taking him this long? He said he was home and was just going to pick up a few things. Besides this random outing was his idea." Stirred from her momentary frustration by a familiar honk, she sees Khan. She grabs the hoodie she had by her bed and skips down their stairs. She quickly yells, "Appa, I will be out just for a bit. Don't wait up. I have my handphone if you need to reach me."

Keun Seuk was waiting for her outside his new toy-cum-bestfriend Khan. He gives her his warm smile his hand outstretched with an apple, Mianhae, Shin Hye I took a bit longer than I thought I would to grab stuff, so I got you this instead. She takes the apple and gives it a crunchy bite, in acceptance of his apology. Keun Seuk holds her hand and her passenger side door with his other free hand.

"So where are we going Oppa? And why do you insist we dress up as incognito as possible?"

You'll soon see. He says as he ensures she had secured her place on the passenger seat before closing the door. A few moments later he revs up the engine and turns the radio on. Go change it to any station you like. You're the dashboard pilot tonight. Shin Hye fiddles around with the radio until she hears a familiar tune. They both start to sing along, until Keun Seuk turns the car uphill to the famous landmark in Seoul.

"Namsan? This is where we're going? With all these other people? That's quite bold Oppa!"

We'll park far enough and this is why the incognito act is so important. Do you think you brought the necessary tools for this operation? Keun Seuk checks with Shin Hye.

"Uhm, I don't know. I hope so." Shin Hye fidgets at the thought of such a public setting of this outing.

Ha, don't fret. Heechul will meet you by where we park. You guys will go first up to the observatory and stay there for a while. I'll see you half an hour later. Keun Seuk lays out the plan.

"Wow, I'm impressed. You even got an accomplice. But a famous accomplice still!! Oppa, what were you thinking?!? So careless. Aish!"

Mianhae, he was the only one available. Your scandal-free bestfriend had other stuff to do. So, I hope Heechul can be as scandal free for you as we need.

She squeezes his arm teasingly and affectionately. "It's okay. I'm really impressed. All this trouble. You must like me that much."

Like? Is that all you think this is? How you underestimate me... Keun Seuk says with his drama pout.

She pinches his cheek "Ah, look at you. Kyowo!!"

Keun Seuk parks Khan next to a Peugeot on a quiet street a few blocks away from the tower. A few moments later, they hear a tap on Shin Hye's window. Seeing Heechul, Keun Seuk unlocks the door. "Shin Hye-ssi, may I do the honor?" Heechul politely asks opening her door. Komowoyo hyung. You know the drill, right? Keun Seuk asks Heechul. His good friend nods and takes Shin Hye's hand. Shin Hye puts on her hoodie and links arms with Heechul as they walk together towards the spot. Keun Seuk looks at the rearview mirror as his friend and Shin Hye walk away. Ugh, they do look like a good couple. Keun Seuk, wasn't this your idea? Then why are you still jealous. Weirdo!

He checks and double checks the stuff he was going to bring up to the tower. As with all things he cares passionately about, he wants this evening to be perfect.

Half an hour later he finds Shin Hye and Heechul on the observation deck. He sits next to Heechul. Ahem. I believe I can take this from here. He reminds Heechul who seems to be having a good time with Shin Hye pointing out constellations from afar. "You can be an ingrate sometimes. Think of the scandal I saved you from" Heechul teases his friend. He stands up from the deck and motioned that he will just be hanging around in case he'll still be needed. "Komowoyo Heechul Oppa, I had a great time on our date" Shin Hye calls out quietly. Heechul nods. Keun Seuk scoots over to Shin Hye taking the vacant spot Heechul left. Had a great time huh? Now, let's just go home. You don't need this date with me anymore it seems. Keun Seuk chides.

"Oppa, you're being dramatic. I like it here. I can stay here for a bit with anyone willing to stay with me. No wonder you said this is one of your favorite date spots."

Yes, that's true. But I only say that because I'm Seoul Ambassador. I need to pitch all the tourist spots in my international events. Keun Seuk admits.

But, I'll let you in on a secret. I've always wanted to come here and enjoy it like tourists and ordinary persons would. And now I get to do that with you. First time to visit this way, actually.

Shin Hye smiles at the revelation. She puts her head on his shoulder. "This would've been a great spot to shoot the final Minamishineyo scene, huh Oppa? But I guess they didn't want us to get antis from Kkot Boda Namja fans. Now I understand why every Korean drama mentions Namsan. The sight is pretty and the feeling is romantic."

Shin Hye, let's go. Help me with these and let's put them in the rails. Keun Seuk commands standing up from the deck and showing her the 4 pairs of blue and pink padlocks on his palm. The pink locks bear the word Dwejji and the blue ones Tokki, commemorating their love symbol from the drama that drew them closer.

Her eyes light up knowing the significance of the locks to the tower. It was something lovers do to solidify their commitment. The subtlety and simplicity of the pairs of locks he chose gives her a warm tug in her heart amid the cool night breeze.

I've always wanted to do this too. With the right person . Keun Seuk informs the girl bewildered by his request.

"Okay, Oppa. This should be fun. But why do we need four?"

No special meaning. We could have done ten but I thought it was overkill. So, I got four pairs, just to be sure that it will be here for many months and years to come. My romantic side must've given up at that point.

She laughs. It is so Keun Seuk to put some reason and humor to a sweet and tender moment. "If that's the case, maybe Heechul can help us with some of these locks?" she jokingly suggests. Keun Seuk growls, Andwae, this is my moment. He already stole too many moments earlier. Let him stay where he is. Over there by the side.

He grabs her hand as they walk toward the North rail, each of them holding 2 pairs of the locks. No words were said while they install the locks on the rails, just tender glances every now and then. As they clamp the fourth pair on the rail facing West, Keun Seuk raises the question. Now does it make sense why there were four?

"I think so, Oppa. But maybe you should still tell me. After all, we haven't said a single word since the first lock."

He holds both of her hands, looking straight into her eyes.

Shin Hye-a, no matter what direction the wind takes this. Us. What we share. What we have. We will still be locked in. You will be in my life and I will be in yours, in whatever form or reason. That much I can assure you of.

So you better not go about thinking it's only just because I LIKE you. You know better than that.

She smiles again and holds his hand as they walk towards where Heechul was to head home. She scans the deck, mentally recording where their Dwejji-Tokki locks were positioned. This night is memorable.

She takes one last glance up at the sky and sees the North Star shining brightly, as if Heaven's promise that they will never lose their way.

For Being Born

**This was originally posted on a community site but since this content is mine, I'm reposting on this blog. This is dedicated to all my May PSHIC co-celebrants (Dita, Maize and Junwoo), kindred spirits I've met over the last few months (the whole PSHIC family), and everyone dear to me.

A melody is in my head for this song but since I lack musical talent I am not too proud to share it. I hope the words will suffice for now.

This song is reminiscent of the scene in YAB when Minam said a birthday prayer for Tae Kyung. In those frozen seconds of their life, I wondered what was on their mind. This is what I read from their eyes. **

For Being Born

April 22, 2010

© Dorothy Advincula

(Female) Stanza I

It’s one of those days

When I’m just amazed

At the thought of you

In my life, in my heart

Wondering how Heaven knew

That you will be exactly who I’ll need

At these moments,

Moments of grief and laughter

Doubt and certainty

Refrain: (Female Solo)

I will have many chances to thank you

For everything and anything

But at this time

When there are no words

Nothing to express

This overflowing gratitude

I’m left to simply thank you… for being born.

Chorus: (Female Solo)

For with you were born a million other chances

To be in my life

To light my way

To make me feel

To wipe my tears

All these, to me, from you

For being born

(Male) Stanza II

Your presence is a blessing

This much is true

Destiny knew when it made you

That you’ll be the one

To help conquer my fears

And show me good

That you’ll open my eyes

And allow me to see clearly

Refrain, Chorus (Male Solo)

Chorus (Together)

Coda

(F) So when your day is gray and lonely

(M) Or you feel you exist for nothing

(Together)

Please remember

That someone, somewhere

Is amazed at the gift of you

Endlessly thanking Fate

For you… For being born.

Coming of Age

***This one is meant to be an edit for "Camera" but had a life of its own altogether. This entry is inspired by Sukkie's latest message on being young. You can read it here (cr: shiro @ soompi and muse at Cri J)***

It was a day of celebration for Shin Hye. After all, it took only 20 years for her to get rid of the "1" number in her age. And now, on this fateful day, the world officially recognizes her as an independent individual, an adult. She feels further accomplished as she learns that in a press poll she came out as one of those 2010 "agecomers" projected to be successful, along with Lee Hong Ki, her everdearest chinggu.

Furthermore, it brings her such anticipation as she is made to feel that the 3-year age gap between her and Keun Seuk is now officially starting to narrow. "Now who are you going to be calling 'kid' now Oppa? This girl is now formally a woman." She thinks to herself as she prepared for the day's celebrations. Mostly the day was going to be with her family, since that's what it was for anyway. Keun Seuk had informed her that he will make it late since he still had his university event organizing to take care of. I will not miss today for the world, Shin Hye-a. But I guess this time, the saying 'better late than never' applies. I will be there, count on it, he had told her on the phone that morning. And whatever they say to people at this stage, I say them to you. Congratulations on coming of age.

The weather was cooperating that day. It felt like everything was going right for her now -- busy with different kinds of projects including a collaboration with a known Korean pop singer, new friendships formed with sunbaes and co-stars, a steady although still every bit exciting relationship with Keun Seuk and getting to enjoy the kind of private life that's balanced and fun. Seriously, can she ask for any more? Yes, there are days she still feels that everything is falling into place for her a little bit later than she had hoped or scheduled in her mind. But as Keun Seuk pointed out to her once, They will fall into place. They already are. Just you wait and see. Everything will be good. And now on this designated day to feel independent and all grown-up, these words ring true to her. So, she offers up a silent prayer of thanks. After which, she joins her family in revelry. She trusts that it only gets better from here.

At another place in Seoul, on university grounds, a 23-year old boy is running to and from classes and getting everything sorted out for the upcoming school event he was co-organizing. Keun Seuk had insisted to everyone around him that he will do this on his own. It was tough to juggle this extracurricular activity on top of his school and work schedule. But he was also trying to prove something to himself. He gets very touchy with trying to do it his way, since if this gets the unnecessary exposure he wants due to his being a celebrity, he worries that his fans will see him unravel before their eyes. All his youthful imperfections will be brought to light. Being the perfectionist that he is, he doesn't want them to see that. Manager Jun had already asked him why he insisted on running with this all by himself. Well, I want to experience in full how it is to be young. Is it wrong to want that?

Other than this safe answer, another strong reason lies inside him. This whole process is his way to try and narrow the age gap between him and Shin Hye, no matter how small that is. He looks up to her so much - in how she can handle both her youthfulness but still spout wisdom like she had more years to her personal resume. Yes, around Shin Hye sometimes he forgets who is Oppa. Yet, also sometimes he wants to ensure that he experiences the same things she was experiencing , that everyone else is experiencing at this rare point in a lifetime. If earlier on I had rushed to get recognition, to be validated for my work, being with Shin Hye-ssi makes me want to slow down and enjoy life and live the youth that I should, he had written in a journal stashed away somewhere, safe from prying eyes.

It is her Coming of Age celebration that day, and inside him he feels proud of her and inexplicably... anxious. He tries to process where the anxiety stems. Taking a break by a bench on campus, he drinks water and looks up at cloud formations. The weather is nice and gives him the respite he needed at that moment. Everyone typically had classes during this time but this was his free period, so he was lucky to have a little privacy. His mind wanders.

Ah, yes. I feel anxious because today she is inducted into independence and adulthood. I've always been scared of this. That maybe we've met each other too soon. Right now, I can't think of any other woman I'll want to share the rest of my life with, with Omma's blessing no less. But with budding careers for the both of us, I can't be selfish. I want Park Shin Hye to experience both her youth and everything that will make her grow into an even greater woman. I worry that if things fall apart for us at one point in time, it will be tough to get her back since most of the time people really are just given one chance when it comes to love. I worry that she will not be able to date as many guys she may want because of this commitment we have, so would that be like denying her of her youth? His head throbs as the bad feeling sinks in. He can't bear to even consider losing Shin Hye.

Must not lose her. Must do everything to take care of her. Must do anything to help her grow further. With me by her side. From now and always. No turning back Keun Seuk, no turning back.

He knows that it is always easier said than done. Trying to gain courage, he mutters a silent prayer - for steadfastness in his emotions and decisions. Then, his phone rings. It was Shin Hye checking in.

"Oppa, will you still be able to make it later today?"

Nae, Shin Hye-a. Did I not say I will not miss this for the world? I will see you soon. Keun Seuk confidently assures her of his attendance and presence.

"Yay!! I look forward to seeing you later Oppa. Take care of yourself okay? Don't overextend yourself with all the planning and stuff. Till then!"

Yes, no matter what it will take, must not lose her. He thought to himself as he ends the call, her chirpy smiling voice still humming in his ear.

He realizes that just a few moments ago when he made a pact with his conscience, he had also shunned the possibility of him or her dating other people. He may allow both of them some liberties but he intends to hold on to this commitment. After all, enjoying youth comes in many forms. He'll take as many Lounge H organizing opportunities if it meant being able to hold on to what they share. It'll be better than dating others. With Shin Hye constantly by his side? Definitely better.

Camera

"Oppa, gwaenchana?" (Oppa, are you okay?) Shin Hye asks as she notices Keun Seuk drifting away in thought again. They were at her family's living room, supposedly to spend time and study together. But she knows something's bugging at him as he listlessly turned pages in his textbook and watched mindlessly at the TV in front of them.

Yes, Shin Hye-a, what do you mean? Keun Seuk tells her trying to hide his feelings. But he knows he can't hide it. If anything, this girl can see, feel and hear through him. And the last few days have been overwhelming that even the most dense of people is noticing the change in his temperament. His Type A personality is really showing, that side of him that's so reserved, emotional and pensive. It was tough times, especially when his anchor in Shin Hye is also being buoyed by tides of her own hectic schedule.

"Well, Oppa, I've been trying to keep up with how you are since you've been pretty quiet every time we go out or when we talk on the phone. I sense something is wrong and even your fans are seeing it now. Are you on the verge of giving up on what you've worked hard for?" Shin Hye explains the reason for her question. "Do you want to talk about it? At least with me?"

He stays silent for a while, almost ignoring her question. She gives him the space and just continued to watch TV and amid a commercial break, she hears a mumbling by her side. At that point, Keun Seuk had started to let his emotions flow, after all can he be any safer than here?

I've come to a point where I want to not care what they think. I think that's it. They've taken way too much from me. Privacy. Security. Normalcy. Everything. Do I have to keep giving? Don't get me wrong, I love my Eels. But sometimes, I kind of wish I could live the same life as you -- you know balance being normal and being a celebrity. Keun Seuk confides.

With a long pause Shin Hye processes his gibberish talk. "Well, Oppa, I'm not as popular as you yet. That's why I can balance it still. Plus, didn't you want this to happen when you've been doing all those dakchan poses on the FMs and stuff? Didn't you want to conquer the world or at least Asia?"

Yes, that's true. But this time I kind of want and need space. When I'm not in a project or something, I want to be me, as Jang Keun Seuk, the person not the actor.

"Ah, okay, I think I understand now. Well, I think you should do as what you are doing with them about us. You know kind of preparing them for the possibility of an "us" by telling them about me all the time. You should do the same with yourself. You should prepare them for the possibility of a "normal" Jang Keun Seuk. And perhaps even give them a few glimpses of your normal life so they can respect that space." Shin Hye relates but realizes she may be giving unsolicited advice.

Go on, I think you're making a point. Please go on. Keun Seuk encourages her.

"Let's see. You've been saying you're tired of the cameras. Since you're in front of it all the time. So maybe you should try being at the back of it, at least figuratively? I love the camera, but I like being behind it. And if anything, I learned that the best photographers often always have to compose their shots prior to shooting them. So, maybe like a photographer, you should compose your own self-portraits, the image you project to your Eels. Maybe you need to compose those better. This could be happening because you let the actor in you take so much of who you are and fans haven't learned to delineate. So, start showing them different sides of you."

Keun Seuk looks at her, amazed at how her youth is not evident at that moment.

"I'm probably not making sense, huh, Oppa?" she says in response to the question written across his face.

"All I'm trying to say is that from my own experience, I let my normal self take reign. I share my normal life with my fans by way of Me2Day and Cyworld photos. I show them the side of me that hangs out with friends and being happy as just being Park Shin Hye, the 20 year old girl who has big dreams. I guess, in my own way, I try to train them to be comfortable and be happy for me in these situations. So when they see me in it, they respect that and leave me to be who I really am. Like that girl was indeed annoying creeping up to you to take that photo when you were in your private moment. But, I think, maybe it wouldn't have hurt to have given them a smile and a small request to give you your space in school. Or maybe even try to reach out to them as a normal person, not as a celebrity. Make small talk or something."

Keun Seuk tries to say something in his defense. No words come out for Shin Hye speaks the truth.

Shin Hye continues to be passionate in the chance he's giving her to say what she thinks. "Oppa, that's what I do with people when people recognize me and call me out in my normal and private hang outs. I just give them a smile. I get to balance not because I am not popular but because I forget I am a celebrity when I am in that zone. Even if they remember me as one, I don't wear the "actress" tag on my sleeve so I am better able to deal with people."

Then the air fills with dead silence again. Keun Seuk processes the advice he had been given. He's got to admit Shin Hye nailed this one. As she opened her textbook to begin studying, he places his head on her shoulder. "Ah, dongsaeng, since when have you started being such a noona? Kamsahamnida, Shin Hye noona."

He knows that with the sentiments he had just heard, his second day of Lounge H the following day will be a bit better. He'll try to deal with people properly. Act and play nice like the normal Keun Seuk. Forget for a while that he's an actor whose charisma fills stadiums. But there's one thing he won't change during these tough days. Even if the event hype exhausts him, he will still make it a point to leave at 9 pm, too early to be leaving a party. Not because he's tired, but because he'll refresh his spirit, even for a little while, beside the girl who knows how to compose her shots.

Miss Congeniality

Multiple CFs. A JIFF ambassadorship. A movie. An overseas fan Meeting. And possibly even a 30-episode drama. This looks more and more like a Hallyu star's schedule. The funny thing is that this is Shin Hye's schedule. And with a growing number of international fans, she is definitely becoming a Hallyu star. She has come a long way. And as her Manager-nim gently quipped in his own Cyworld entry, her pain and her tears are all worth it. And this is what makes Keun Seuk proud. Yet, this is also what makes Keun Seuk feel mixed emotions he just can't put a finger on.

Her work with other people these days is showing more and more of the vibrant lady Keun Seuk first fell in love with back in autumn. He is happy that the colors and warmth of the blooming season gives her a spring in her step. But in his own twisted way, this also gives him pangs of jealousy. Yes, its ugly green head is eating at him. It doesn't help that she ends up with all the good-looking guys in all of Korean showbusiness. Come on, aren't there any other pretty actresses you can pair that guy with? Why do you always pick Shin Hye? My. Shin Hye. Get another girl.

He calls her to check in. No answer. Aish, can you not even give your Oppa a few seconds to say Hello? His phone rings and he picks up in the middle of the second ring.

"Oppa, did you call?"

Nae, why are you taking forever to pick up now? Am I too unimportant? Keun Seuk demands.

"Oppa, I'm on location right now. Shooting for Cyrano Agency, remember? Just been a little busy. But here I am now, returning your call."

Can I pick you up later today? I haven't seen you in a while.

"Uhm, actually the cast is going out again. Daniel Oppa made a mistake in one of his lines and we made a promise that he will have to take us out for dinner because of that."

Shin Hye, is it me or the cast that's important now? I see you're having loads of fun with them now than you do with me. He says unable to control his jealous fit.

"Keun Seuk-ssi, I don't want to indulge your jealousy right now by quarreling with you. I have a scene to shoot and I have no time for this childish conversation. I will call you when I get home, and I'm sorry if I can't see you today" Shin Hye tells him off in frustration.

Noting the change into formal tone, Keun Seuk tried to regain control of himself and his emotions, Shin Hye-a, mianhae, I'm just being stupid today. Good luck with your scenes and I will wait for your call later.

In between classes, he sees Shin Hye post another Me2Day photo. It's an Action Photo of her and the Cyrano cast in all of their goofiness. He smiles then frowns. The smile was for the validation that he made the right choice of woman to fall for. The frown was for the growing knot in his stomach that the woman he chose is not as easy to keep after all. I must be that jealous to even see Um Tae Woong sunbae as a serious threat. Aish, Shin Hye why are you too friendly? You're giving me anxiety issues.

Keun Seuk's been thinking about this quite a lot. Even with the success of his international fan meetings, he can't seem to get over the fact that his relationship with her is progressing to a state wherein Shin Hye is becoming more and more his equal. Normally, he wouldn't have a problem with that. He wants her to succeed and forge her own path in this world they are in. But her typical friendliness and her jovial demeanor would be enough to give any caring boyfriend reasons to be jealous. She's very positive and enthusiastic that she will not have trouble charming any person she meets. That's how it was like on the You're Beautiful set. Everyone loves Shin Hye. It's just this case of project separation that's giving him bad thoughts, perhaps. After all, they started this relationship on the heels of You're Beautiful and now that they are moving on to their solo projects, it's becoming tougher to let go and accept that Shin Hye will soon meet other people and form good friendships with them as she did with the YB cast. It's just complicated because I am the one who got to stay, beyond You're Beautiful, beyond characters, beyond scripts. I bet Hong Ki and Yong Hwa will not be having these issues.

It's adding to the stress that he can't publicly admit their status. Both of them fear the wrath of the antis. But being the open and honest person that he is, it is quite typical that he wants the whole world to know who owns his heart. He's been writing his own gibberish and even sent it to his Eels. There was quite a backlash in that public emotional outburst. Everyone was asking if he was okay and what-nots. He furrows his eyebrows while thinking. Yes, I'm okay. But no, I'm not okay that I have to keep this relationship with Shin Hye under wraps since going out with her as often as I want to will help me with this possessive aka jealousy fits. See, if I can publicly hold her hand, publicly pick her up after her shooting, publicly drop her off for her CF, publicly do everything with her, there's less possibility all these boys she becomes friendly with will hope for a chance. Since they will know that I am her Oppa. Me. Her. Oppa.

His phone rings as he was walking from lunch in between classes. Her name flashes on the caller ID. Now, you do miss me after all. He mutters to himself before picking up on the fourth ring. Nae, Shin Hye-ssi, what do you need?

"Oppa, cheer up now. Don't be so rude to me. Mianhae for telling you off earlier. I asked Um Tae Woong Oppa if he thinks I could skip today's cast dinner, he said we can just probably reschedule it to some other day. I asked Daniel Oppa also since it was supposed to be his treat. And they're all fine with rescheduling. So, looks like I can see you today after all."

It touches his heart that she tried to charm her way out of the cast dinner that was planned and was proud of her for getting everyone to oblige. It touches his heart that she made effort to spend time with him. He does mean something to her after all. And for Keun Seuk that erased all pangs of envy, jealousy and insecurity. At least for that day. He'll deal with other days when they come.

Gire, I will pick you up at your set location. Let me know when you're about to shoot your last scene for today so I can get there on time. He informs her of the plan.

And Shin Hye-a, thank you for making time for me. It means a lot. He tells her in all honesty.

"Oppa, of course. We'll talk later. Oh, and also, the Cyrano guys say you can join our cast dinner whenever that will be if you can make it. They said they'd love to meet the guy who gets to see the unlimited version of my wackiness." Shin Hye says in response, and in her own way assuring Keun Seuk of his place in her heart.

Keun Seuk feels a flutter in his own heart. He realizes that the indirect invitation to meet her co-stars is somehow a revelation that she's been telling them about him, about them. His heart feels safe. Yes, he chose the right woman.

The Zahir

Zahir - (za-heer, n)- It is someone (or something) which, once we have come into contact with them (or it), gradually occupies every thought.**

He had always said he believes in love at first sight. Keun Seuk reminisces this fact and the many times he's announced it on national television during his early days as an actor. And he silently laughs at himself how things have turned around. These days he just says that he believes in love. Period.

On the plane back to Korea from his Singapore Fan Meet, he watches the personal video he made as his souvenir of a great time. But it is not Singapore nor his shrieking Eels he remembers. Because now no matter what he does, it is Shin Hye on his mind. His personal videos are proof of that. Actually, what his fans, Manager Jun and the rest of the world don't know is that the videos he takes are not for him, but for the girl he left back home. He holds that digicamcorder everywhere as if walking down the same street with her. He holds the camcorder so preciously as it carries with it not only new memories he makes but anticipation for how she will react to them. You see, she will be the first one to watch these videos upon his return so he makes sure to capture as many highlights he could. So she will feel as if she was right there with him, like how he feels when he shoots these scenes. And from time to time when he shows his fans those personal videos unedited, they will get a glimpse of the truth, as almost always Shin Hye's name will pop out of nowhere in his video voiceovers. "You look like Park Shin Hye. Sing it. Go Mi Nam." he said in one scene as they went out to eat with his manager and staff -- providing bait for his fans akin to his intriguing answer in that interesting interview in Singapore, "Who knows?"

So, for that red-eye 6-hour long flight to Seoul, he let his mind wander and form bits and pieces of moments he shared with the girl he can't stop thinking about.

~~~<<~~~<<<~~~

"This is where Keun Seuk and Oppa and I met by fate" declared Shin Hye as she recollects their first meeting for Etude House.

Keun Seuk found her plain then but that intimate contact with her for that CF could have literally changed things for him. He remembered that Etude House was not their first meeting. They had met way before for a variety show. But for some reason his mind doesn't register her as a significant person. At least then, not yet. Boy, did he know how this girl will transform his world and his views on relationships, love, life and everything in between. She was nervous. It was their first encounter as spokesmodels for the cosmetics brand and it does not help that they have to share a kiss. Little did he know that it will be the first of many kisses between them - stolen, scripted. And for a first kiss, it was memorable.

~~~<<~~~<<<~~~

Manager Jun tells him that the success of their Etude House pairing lands him the lead role as arrogant boy band leader Tae Kyung in the new drama, "You're Beautiful" next to Park Shin Hye as Go Mi Nam. "Oh really?! Cool! I loved that script when I read it. And it is icing on the cake that it is Shin Hye I'll be with. It will be less adjustment for me." He says when he heard this news.

So, in the drama's first script reading, he was quite at ease. "See, you can never get rid of me. Even if you dumped me for Min Ho-ssi, you can never get rid of me." He had said to her in greeting when she arrived at SBS' office for the meeting.

"Who said I was trying to get rid of you, Oppa? Other than the fact that it was a production and management decision. Besides even if I did try, you follow around. You can't get enough of me. That's what it is. Just speak the truth."

He laughed at her confidence and knew then that it will be an interesting ride, this drama. Nevermind that Shin Hye and her outspoken self will keep him in check most times, he just knew then that this girl is a keeper, whatever she will become to him.

There is a barrage of many other shared memories swimming in his head but his exhaustion was getting the better of him. So, he begins to doze off into his favorite world, a place where he doesn't need to hold anything back, where with Shin Hye he was free to just be.

~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****~~~~****

She looks at her clock. She stayed up late scouring the web like an Eel, checking how Keun Seuk handled his latest fan meeting. They made a promise before he left that he will try to keep his mouth shut, especially about them, about her. She knew that was the toughest challenge for this chatty Oppa of hers. He's always had his Freudian slips each time and he's said many times that it was just hard for him not to mention her, that thinking of not mentioning her makes him say it more. So far, she was pleased with what she was seeing. His answers were pretty harmless this time around. But she also feels a slight tinge of pain as she reads Keun Seuk describe what he will do if he gets a Singaporean girlfriend. Dream on, missy, whoever you are, imagining that to be reality. He will not have a Singaporean girlfriend, at least not now. And she laughs at her momentary blip of jealousy.

He should have landed by now, she thought. Oppa, welcome home, she types into her mobile.

"Shin Hye-a, I'll see you in a bit. Just claiming my luggage now. Bogosipo." he texts back in reply only a few moments later, like he knew she was going to reach out to him. Her phone rings, it was him on the other line. She hears the baggage carousel and his staff loading them onto a cart. "Shin Hye-a, I know it's late. Gidaryeo?"

Oppa, what do you mean, wait for you? she says in confusion.

"I'm coming by your house before I go home. To drop off your present"

Can you not do that until the morning, when you've rested?, she asks him since sleep was overtaking her now.

"Well, other than that, I do want to see you. Do you not want to see me?" he pleads to her, unable to mask the slight hurt that she was not as excited to meet him as he was to see her.

Nae, Oppa, I will wait. After all I think you've behaved yourself on this fan meet. You deserve a reward. Shin Hye obliges.

"Haha, now I don't know about that. But, okay. We'll be quick. See you soon!" Keun Seuk says before hanging up.

Shin Hye plays with her dog Bongji's hair as she waits for Keun Seuk to ring her so she can meet him out front. Keeping herself busy, she thinks to herself -- He brought me a present? Trying to keep your 100 points huh, Oppa? Well, you have extra credit by now. Probably about 100 extra credits. So it will be a long while before you ever will need to worry about your points.

She grabs Bongji's ball and tossed it again routinely. She keeps wondering " 'Don't know about that.' What does he mean? Did he get us in trouble again? Aish, these threads are not as up-to-date as I thought they'll be. Seems a bomb is ticking below the surface that I need to prepare for.

Her phone rings. "Shin Hye-a, I'm out front now. Let's make this quick so you can sleep. Thanks for waiting." Keun Seuk says commandingly on the other line.

She peers through her window blinds to confirm. She comes down the stairs excitedly but tries to calm her heart. Compose yourself Shin Hye. You're too giddy.

A little bit calmer she comes up to him, Where is it Oppa? she demands.

"Almost a week without seeing each other and that's how you greet me? Aish, Shin Hye, I really think I'm on a one-way street now." Keun Seuk says partially joking.

She gives him a smile. No, I'm just too excited to what you've brought back for me. Because I bet it means a lot. That pacifies Keun Seuk.

"Here. It's nothing big." She opens the small box he handed her and sees a bracelet that looks like it matches the star necklace from the drama.

Wow, you got this from Singapore. Kamsahamnida, Oppa.

"Yes, I saw it in one of their jewelry shops and it reminded me of you, so I bought it right away. Shin Hye, I spent half a day on a beach on Sentosa Island computing the exchange rate after I bought that. Haha, thought you should know."

She smiles. So, that's what it was about. What you were thinking of on those beachside photos that came out on your fan threads. And I thought you were thinking of me. She makes a sad face.

"Come to think of this Shin Hye. Thinking of the tax and exchange rate of something I got you is similar to thinking of you. So you are technically correct. Besides, here, I might lose this so you go keep it." He hands her a piece of paper.

Customs Declaration. Shipment. Singapore. Seoul. The only words that register to Shin Hye as she read the piece of paper. What is this Oppa? You mean there is more?

"Nae, you will see in a couple of days. I hope you like them."

Wow, you must have gotten us really in big trouble to be giving me advanced peace offerings. Spill it Oppa. What did you do? she says astonished at all the efforts.

"Should I have done bad stuff for me to want to give you things? And besides you'll also know in a few days when the threads start buzzing about them." Keun Seuk says matter-of-factly.

He continues, "Shin Hye, it's just my way of showing I do remember you when I am away. In fact I remember you more than I am allowed to. They may keep me from saying what I want to shout to the whole world, but they can't keep me from feeling my feelings. Let that stand as my promise"

But Oppa, I want to also remind you that I don't want to be a kept woman. I don't like receiving glamorous favors as sometimes it makes me feel my trust is being bought. I'll accept your gifts this time, and thank you wholeheartedly for them. But can you lessen them next time Oppa? Please? she requests from him.

He nods and thinks to himself "This is why I keep falling."

"Gureom, Shin Hye-a, time to sleep. Thanks for meeting me. Annyeong! I will see you in a few days for the Garden 5 CF. Don't be late. Now, you go in first." he bids her goodbye.

Gire, kamsahamnida, again for everything. And whatever trouble you caused us, I'll be ready for them. My silence should be enough to quell the rumors. Oh, wait they're not exactly rumors. But whatever, you know what I mean. Hah! Good night!

She walks back into her home. Keun Seuk watching her walk away, wishing her safe as he glimpses at her vanishing back. Ah yes, that was another thing that has changed about him. From a guy who wants to see his girlfriend waving at him as he leaves, he's turned to the boyfriend who wants to capture every last visible memory of this special person.

As he goes on the short five-minute ride home, he thinks to himself that he still does believe in love at first sight. Because every moment with Shin Hye is new. The many things he discovers about her in their every meeting is like that of a first love, a first meeting. And yes, for this girl, he is smitten, in love at first sight, over and over again.


Note: **Definition derived from Paulo Coelho's The Zahir.

Dongsaeng

They just wrapped up the photo shoot. Ahjussi photographer and the interviewer were getting really curious. This two, there’s just that undeniable spark between them. Are they or aren’t they? She calls him Oppa all the time. With their limited command of Korean, the two Japanese editorial staff took this to mean that their relationship was only of that similar to being siblings. Could they get it ever more wrong? After all, Oppa is a confusing term.

But they found it funny to watch how Shin Hye is such a tease. Being the bubbly girl she is it’s funny how she can rib Keun Seuk to his chagrin.

“Oppa, what the heck was that handholding for? It’s not like that shot will make the cut in the layout.”

Ya, Shin Hye, who are you to talk like that? You’re the one getting your flirt on by clinging to me in most shots.

“Stop complaining, Oppa! We know you like it” She imitates his leaning and smiling poses.

Arasso, arasso. Have it your way. I can’t win anything with you.

“Well, because you let me.” She says frustratingly. “Oppa, if we want to be equals, challenge me as I challenge you. That’s your role. You need to teach me stuff I don’t know yet. After all, you’re older than me.” She bows at him mockingly and turns around to go and socialize with the production staff. He is left by the break room table as they take an hour break prior to shooting their website welcome video. He’s alone with his thoughts and although she was right there with him and he’s making sure she was just an arms’ length away in case something happens, she was still the only one on his mind.

That’s the problem for Keun Seuk. How can he win anything around her when he rather wouldn’t? When, except for his solitary moment of domination as he asked her to stay with him, she’s always had her way since. It’s not that he can’t, but just that he won’t.

She’s got him reined in, that’s for sure. And to Keun Seuk, that’s a first. Even in relationships with the noonas he’s been in the past, he always takes the lead. But with Shin Hye, for some reason, he needs to make it right or be square. And making it right, sometimes, no, actually most of the time, that meant she will have her say and her way. Even though, in this situation, he was officially the Oppa. Such irony. *Sighs*

Oh, heaven knows what happens when she gets upset. Like that one time he showed up to meet with her and her JIFF partner, Joon Ki after their icebreaker meeting. He knew the guy from the murder movie they starred in together. Gee, he still remembers the many takes they had to make of that gory scene. He almost fears that the guy could hate him in real life. And ironically, he becomes Shin Hye’s “boyfriend” for the JIFF, as they were both picked to be ambassadors. Thinking of that concept sends chills to his spine, with the green goo of jealousy somehow trying to seep in. Not too long ago, Shin Hye thought to invite the both of them for casual dinner together. Kind of like a reunion cum getting-to-know-you dinner between the two men. Over dessert in that dinner, Keun Seuk had asked Joon Ki to look after Shin Hye while they are together in JIFF activities. Hearing this, Shin Hye gave Keun Seuk the glare. Yes, she gave him the look that could send him running to his mother.

“Keun Seuk-ssi, just who are you to think I need to be looked after? I may be young but I can handle myself just fine. I am not a kid, remember that” she argues.

Noticing that she used the formal tone, Keun Seuk knew he was in big trouble. Arasso, Shin Hye-a. Mianhae. I was just trying to make conversation.

“Well, find a different topic.”

Joon Ki tried to stifle his giggle over the encounter. And guy-to-guy his eyes met Keun Seuk’s, silently speaking, “You have one handful of a woman right here. Don’t worry, I got your back, hyung.”

Watching Shin Hye and Joon Ki’s recent outings on TV together, Keun Seuk observed that he was actually a fine lad. He was being gentlemanly and everything, taking Shin Hye’s interest first and always giving her the chance to speak her mind. Way to go, hyung. Komowoyo for taking good care of her. He says to the TV screen as their JIFF promotion interview came on. But don’t get too darn close, or else I will be very tempted to make that Burger King bathroom murder scene real.

“Oppa, Joon Ki-ssi said he’d like to take me out to dinner” goes Shin Hye’s sing-song and teasing voice snapping Keun Seuk out of his trance in front of the break room TV. She sits beside him as she saw him watching the interview segment with her and Joon Ki on it. But you already went to dinner with him, he reminded her. “I know, but that was when we went with you. I think he means he wants to take me to dinner, just the two of us”

She’s really trying his patience and jealousy. But, he thinks he knew the answer she would love to hear. So, he swallows his pride and lets it out softly.

Shin Hye-a, if you want to go then go. Who am I to get in the way? But that doesn’t mean I will feel okay. Yet, I trust you so I can deal with my feelings.

She pouts and smiles at his honesty. “Okay, I’ll go with him. He’s a nice guy. He finds you nice too. He told me so himself. So, how about this, I’ll let you know when my dinner out with him will happen and check in with you from time to time while we’re out. Does that work for you, Oppa?”

It tickled his heart that it sounded like she consulted him first before accepting a nice guy’s offer for dinner. Ne, komapta, that will work. He teases her, Shin Hye, you’re pretty and all but I think Joon Ki already knows his place between you and me. He is not very comfortable hearing you call him Oppa. Why do you think that is?

“Because, I already have an Oppa. And that’s you.” Shin Hye assures him.

He smiles at the sincerity of her statement and he thought to himself; Yes, this is why she always gets her way. Because in her own way, she lets me do what I love to do – be her Oppa.